Idea Ripper // ArchiveCards: 1555 [Live] | Updated: 2026-10-14
Card #c1020IR // #c1020Synthesis

"In constructing the other side's presently perceived choice the first question to ask is 'Whose decision do I want to affect?' The second question is what decision people on the other side now see you asking them to make."

— In our words · Source: Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher, William Ury & Bruce Patton)

[Use when]

The other side keeps refusing something you think is obviously in their interest.

[Why it matters]

The authors map the Iranian students' yes/no ledger as the students saw it in 1980, and keeping the hostages looks rational from inside it. Your arguments bounce off because you are answering a question they are not asking.

More from Getting to Yes

#c1013"The Soviet Union finally agreed to three inspections. The United States insisted on no less than ten. And there the talks broke down —…Two sides are dug in on competing figures and nobody has defined what the figures mean. #c1014"Sadat flew to the capital of his enemies, a disputed capital which not even the United States, Israel's best friend, had recognized.…The negotiation is stuck because the other side's image of you makes agreement unthinkable. #c1015"Terms negotiated between a major city and its Hispanic community on municipal jobs were unacceptable to the mayor — until the agreement…The other side agrees with the deal but cannot be seen agreeing with you.